Written by: Child Psychological Development Association Psychological Counselor, Mr. Ching Wai Keung “Is your child deliberately engaging in behavior that challenges your limits?” “Does your child’s behavior completely contradict your wishes?” “No matter how you punish your child, it seems like they become more defiant!” Do these scenarios sound familiar to you? Many times, parents worry incessantly about their child’s behavior. However, behind the child’s behavior, there may be different emotions. For example, a child might intentionally exhibit rebellious behavior due to a desire for attention or rivalry for affection. In such cases, punishing the child may result in them becoming even more disobedient. Renowned American emotion psychologist Plutchik pointed out that we have eight basic emotions (Plutchik, 1993), including acceptance, anticipation, disgust, anger, sadness, fear, joy, and surprise. These emotions manifest in an “Emotion Chain,” which includes stimuli, thoughts, emotions, behavior, and outcomes. For instance, when an older brother sees his mom taking care of his younger sister (stimulus), he may think that his mom now only loves his sister and ignores him (thoughts). This could lead to emotions like sadness and anger (emotions). As a result, he may intentionally misbehave (behavior). The outcome is that the mom puts down the sister in the crib and then deals with the older brother (outcome). In the older brother’s eyes, his mom finally put down his sister, achieving the desired outcome through his behavior. Young children may not necessarily express their thoughts through language, making it challenging for parents to understand

As children grow up, many parents may find that their children become increasingly resistant to having heart-to-heart talks. The children may feel awkward, or perhaps the family relationships have not been very close since childhood. Dr. Wong Chung Hin, a specialist in psychiatry, points out, “It is crucial for parents to establish a good parent-child relationship from an early age. If parents suspect emotional issues in their children, in addition to observing changes in their behavior, they can guide their children to express their thoughts and understand their inner world.” As mentioned earlier, parents and children should establish a parent-child relationship from a young age, setting aside time each day for parent-child communication and engaging in interesting family activities together. Dr. Wong emphasizes, “A close parent-child relationship helps children express themselves to their parents. Even as they grow older, they will be more willing to express themselves and have trust in their family.” However, if a child is unwilling to reveal their thoughts and parents notice changes in their behavior (refer to: https://www.parentsdaily.com.hk/expert/4073), Dr. Wong advises parents to patiently guide their children to express their inner feelings. “When children express their thoughts, parents should listen patiently and provide them with the opportunity to express themselves. Establish a daily parent-child chatting time, allowing children to have a channel to express themselves at home. Parents should remember that once children mention symptoms related to emotional issues, parents should not criticize or constantly deny their children.” Dr. Wong continues, “Everyone has their own thoughts